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Now that we've got that ubiquitous slur out of the way, let's dispassionately determine whether the new 2004 VW Phaeton really is worth the price of four Beetles - or one nicely furnished Lexus LS 430. Our test car had a base sticker of $64,600 and an out-the-door price of $72,565, including a hefty $1,300 gas-guzzler tax. She: So, should I get my ''I'm with Stupid'' T-shirt out of mothballs for this discussion about the new Phaeton? I know you don't like this controversial new product as much as I do. But I absolutely refuse to jump on the bandwagon that has been tearing down the Phaeton as far too fancy and expensive for such an entry-level brand. As somebody who has never embraced the BMW or Mercedes-Benz marques, I say ''Hallelujah'' to the Phaeton. It's understated and elegant and perfect for the baby boomer who doesn't want to broadcast her income and status to the world. All you need to do is pop the trunk and check out that incredible hinge system to begin to understand the craftsmanship and attention to detail that went into this car. He: When are you going to learn that Teutonic overengineering isn't enough to satisfy a lot of luxury-car shoppers these days? Good thing the Phaeton delivers the goods in plenty of other ways, however. And I'm not as big a detractor as you might think, despite my earlier diatribes. We drove the Phaeton back-to-back with the LS 430, and in many respects, the Volkswagen is a better car than the Lexus for roughly the same money. She: OK, I'll put my T-shirt back in the drawer for now. But you'd better explain. He: Dynamically, the Phaeton can run with the best European luxury sedans, and I include its sister car, the Audi A8, in that group. My biggest concern is that Americans won't be easily persuaded to shell out so much dough for anything with the VW label, regardless of how good it is. And the Phaeton is a sweet driver. The low-end model here in the States is fitted with a twin-cam 4.2-liter V-8 that makes an ample 335 horsepower and drives all four wheels through a six-speed Tiptronic-style automatic. The downside is that, given the car's tremendous weight, the fuel-economy numbers stink - only 15 miles per gallon in city driving. She: I drove the Phaeton on the autobahn in Germany and again on our home turf in Michigan. It's a great cruiser with terrific ride comfort. It felt like it had a lot of authority on the autobahn, especially up against cars like the Mercedes S-class. I'm tickled by the fact that the Phaeton has two batteries, so it starts in all weather - even though that's kind of like giving it suspenders and a belt. And the Phaeton is loaded with air bags - eight in all - but it lacks front knee air bags, something that comes standard on a competitor like the LS 430. I would take those knee bags over the second battery. He: I think you're splitting hairs. I couldn't get over what a drop-dead gorgeous cabin comes with the Phaeton. I'd definitely pop for the optional $500 chestnut wood trim; it'll take your breath away, it's that beautiful. You can decide if you need other goodies, like the $2,900 comfort and cold weather package that bundles a leather-wrapped heated steering wheel; heated/ventilated rear seats with massage feature; power lumbar support and head restraints, and rear climate control display. Or a premium 270-watt sound system ($1,000), electronic park assist and power trunk ($1,150), and keyless access ($500), all of which were fitted to our test vehicle. She: I had only minor gripes about the Phaeton. The front-passenger seat belt reel liked to stick on our test car and the rear sunshades built into the doors are a little awkward to use. And I have to confess that I think Phaeton is a dumb name for such a high-tech car - it sounds too old-fashioned and I was never quite sure how to pronounce it. I went with the three-syllable approach, but the Germans pronounced it ''fayh-ton.'' He: No matter what you call it, this is an awful lot of car for the money. It's fast, it's smooth, it's whisper-quiet at high speeds, and it wraps and coddles you in ways that VW owners have never before experienced. That alone may be worth the exorbitant price of admission. Anita and Paul Lienert are partners in Lienert & Lienert, a Detroit-based automotive information services company.
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